From the new day...

During the cold wet spring of this year, when outside activities were limited by, seemingly, constant days of precipitation and unseasonably cool weather, I thought ahead to summer and saw it filled with ripe potential to be the sweetest season yet. When it arrived however, I had a variety of social engagements like graduation and good bye parties and showers and weddings which happily filled the weekends, but also limited time for outdoor pursuits. Bike rides and hikes were in short supply. Time to enjoy the figurative fruit of the season was limited. This evening however, it all came together like orchestral magic.

On a bike ride through some of the most scenic areas of Chester County, I felt I had become a character in an amazing story book. As each gravelly page was turned, I encountered new treasures that delighted the senses. The self-created, perfect breeze travelled with me like the shadow of the wind. The seasonal scent of cut grass and fragrant greenery became intoxicating as can only happen in the humid air of summer. Horses, heron, deer and bunnies all presented themselves playfully to me as though inviting me to follow them into the secret corners of their outdoor world. My bike flew effortlessly along, like those carrying the riders on the final day of the tour de france on the Champs-Elysees. And the sounds of the birds and the creeks, soothed and soared, like Mozart’s Canzonetta Sull’aria.  I didn’t want this story to end.

But the sun was setting on this operatic stage and darkness soon would make biking unsafe. One of the final roads I must take is like a dark tunnel when dusk nears. The trees overhead and all around come together, joining limbed forces to block any remaining day light. Through this tunnel, I pedaled hard and fast, at times feeling like I was riding to escape the monster coming up behind. And then finally, before me, the light and safety of home loomed, leaving the monster to fade into the darkness. The tunnel ended and the pinkish orange sky framed the dusky green fields where golden bales of hay were gathered and left to sit, like scattered players on a huge game board. It was a comforting, pastoral sight that brought peace to the journey’s end. While the journey ended for tonight, the story of the sweet season of summer will continue to be experienced and cherished, like a child’s favorite bedtime story that never grows old.

From the new day...




I was assigned a new hospice patient today. It was someone I knew for a period of time in years past. He has had a very challenged life with losing both of his parents while he was young, being placed in foster care, suffering physical and sexual abuse at the hands of many of his foster parents, and living a life that was affected throughout by all these losses and abuses. Despite his difficult life, he has held on to hope, to kindness and to gentleness. He is a great example of resilience. Not that he hasn't added to his problems with addictive behaviors and bad choices but he is able to get past all of these and still look forward and still be kind. Now he is 59 and in declining health with a terminal diagnosis of end stage COPD. He is tethered to his oxygen, and spends most of his day in a chair as even a short walk to the bathroom causes him to get out of breath. From his confinement in a rural trailer near the Pennsylvania and Maryland border, what purpose might he still have? Why did our paths cross again? Those answers I may never know fully but my familiar appearance allowed him to tell his complete story, from the beginning to nearing the end. He was determined to lay it all out on the table even though pauses were needed to catch his breath. His whole life in a nutshell - the good, the bad and the ugly. He talked about how hard it is to really know someone - to know their truth. And how we shouldn't judge.  I wondered if these were lessons learned or instructions passively given to  me.
Before I completed this post, my patient died. He was on service less than a week. I know there was a reason for us to reconnect, however, I may never really know why, but I am grateful for the chance to have seen him again and to be privileged to hearing his unique life story.

From the new day...

Gentleness enfolds us like the soft

Embrace of an angel's feathery wings

As winter's gift of the pure chaste snow

Rests tenderly upon the world.

Enthralled by the classic beauty,

In features only black and white

We pause...

To appreciate the season of quiet restful days

When nature sleeps, returning inward

To nurture its essence in the still of seclusion.

In turn, we come inside, seeking our peace,

Our spirit, alone, within.

While it appears that all is silent

In nature and ourselves

A knowing and feeling are brewing

Beneath the tranquil surfaces

Being fueled by the fire within

That is stoked by God's love.

This divine light will lead us all

To new birth and re-creation

As we emerge anew

From our contemplative cocoons.

 

NBS 12/10/2013

 

From the new day…

Sometimes, even as we are doing our best to live a good life, a life of caring, service and compassion, situations arise that challenge us, hurt us and leave us feeling very sad.  Regardless of the harsh impact of the situation, we may want to make it better. Or in a weak moment, we might want revenge of sorts. It is not unusual to have a variety of thoughts go through our heads as we try to process what happened and think of what should come next. Tonight, I was faced with all the above.

In some ways I felt like I was watching a movie of someone else’s life, because what was being said to me, and about me, made no sense. I listened, and at the appropriate times I spoke, but my accuser could not be reasoned with and the disturbed look in his eyes confirmed this fact.  Clearly, I was not able to correct misperceptions, or bring reality into his thought processes or help us come to any resolution.  

When I left his house, after this unsettling confrontation, I was overcome with a variety of emotions…anger, sadness, disbelief. I thought about what my response should be, fueled by my anger. I cried from the sadness and disbelief.  But as the evening progressed, and my compassionate side took over I calmed down and was able to move away from any thoughts of revengeful words or actions, but the sadness remained because the problem took on a new face. It transformed from my hurt to his pain - pain that he bore from issues never addressed and pain that could be buried no longer. When this realization came to me I worried about what was going on inside of him that was causing this pain to surface and be evidenced in the misdirected anger coming towards me. I wished I could help him. In the end, the day spoke clearly to me and said to give this situation over to a Higher Power, to surrender, realizing that it was beyond me and not within my control to change.

The affirmation on the surrender card in The Spiritual Beings of Light Oracle cards says, “I believe in the goodness of the Divine plan and I am surrendering the need for control.”

And so I have, but for him and his family, I will keep them in my prayers always.

Giving thanks for the blessing of this day...

 

From the new day…

As the evening air becomes cooler and the light of day is running short, it’s clear that fall is on its way, but summer is not over yet. This weekend I had the chance to immerse myself in this free and easy season when life is more about down time than a hectic pace and the outdoors is one big recreation room.  A weekend at the beach in Rehoboth provided some of the season’s finest offerings…buying local peaches and tomatoes at a road side stand…sitting on the beach with friends on Friday evening watching the changing colors of the sky as the dolphins entertained us in the water…the grandiosity of a summer thunderstorm…and a long walk on the beach on Sunday morning as the sun sparkled on the water, the sea spray lightly touched my skin and my footprints were left in the sand as my signature on a thank you note to summer.

The summer of 2012, like many others, was filled with seasonal pleasures…tending the gardens and seeing the beautiful results of this earthy work, filling the feeders and watching the golden finch and hummingbird return, sitting under the night sky imagining the expanse of the universe, driving with the windows down and the air blowing my hair, picking fruit with my grandchildren and seeing them love their first taste of blackberries, breathing in the summer air tinged with the scent of honeysuckle and seeing the lushness of the Pennsylvania woodlands. The pleasures are many.

Thank you summer! What fun you have been!

Giving thanks for the blessing of this day...

From the new day…

On the other end of the spectrum, from anticipation and excitement, are the emotions related to conclusion. When conclusion involves saying goodbye, tears are often part of the experience, especially with Kate and me.  And so, as the last day of our wonderful visit wound down, and we neared the time for Kate and her family to return to Colorado, tears were appearing.  From my perch on a rock in the back garden, I watched the children run laps around the field and when they were done and they plopped down breathlessly beside me, my tears could be restrained no longer. I hated to see this time end and know that months or even a year may go by before I see them again. Just then, the rest of the family came up behind us and said “Look, it’s a hummingbird!” At first I disagreed through my tears saying it was a bee, but as a clearer focus returned, I could see the tiny beak of a hummingbird baby enjoying the nectar of the butterfly bush. How magical was this moment! We all became still…even the kids… and watched in amazement at the size and movement of this tiny creature…well, until Lo’s three year old enthusiasm caused its quick exit.

By then however, he had cast his spell upon us and served his purpose. I do believe that this baby ruby throated charmer arrived in time to help us all better cope with the parting moment we were soon to face. Animal totems offer spiritual guidance and deliver messages if we are open to receiving them.

Among all the bird totems it is likely the Hummingbird is the most magical. They bring a smile to our face while watching their unique movement. Hummingbird’s ability to hover in one spot teaches us how to be still and focused no matter how active we are. When the hummingbird totem visits we are reminded to appreciate the sweetness life offers. We have all heard the saying "Stop to Smell the Roses" and understand this means to slow down and enjoy life. The hummingbird teaches a similar lesson asking us to bury our noses more deeply and inhale the fragrant nectar. Life offers much joy and sweetness if we take the time to breathe it in.

http://Healing.about.com/od/animaltotems

And so it was. The sweetness of this week was breathed in by all and the scent of the children, which lingers in my house, is fragrant nectar that heals the heart.

Giving thanks for the blessing of this day…

From the new day...

The list was not done. I still had much to do to have everything perfect for my special visitors who would be arriving around 5:00 this evening. But first I needed to sit in the shade of the maple tree, with chores temporarily put aside, and be in the moment of pure happiness and gratitude.  It’s so easy to keep moving and doing, but allowing ourselves time to feel what is in our heart, is the most significant part of our journey on this earth.

My heart was overwhelmed by emotions caused by the anticipation of seeing my daughter and her family who had not been back to Pennsylvania for 2 years. I couldn’t wait to see Kate, Eric and their 4 children and give hugs to all. I savored this anticipation as I sat in my yard and expressed silent prayers of thanks. When the moment arrived it was more perfect than I could have imagined. Even the little guys who are 3 and 2 and who had just woken up from naps in the car, ran to me and let me lift them in my arms and hug and kiss them and tell them I love them.

It was a perfect gathering of family. Truth be told, it really didn’t matter to anyone that I had cut the grass today or mopped the floor or washed the windows. Those details were irrelevant. What was most important was how we felt just being together and experiencing the joy of heart connections, the continuity of life and the serendipitous lessons that found their way into our world.

As we sat outside, eight year old Elika quickly picked out a rock in my garden to sit upon saying she was going to meditate there. She said it was full moon meditation tonight. I looked at her mom in amazement and asked if she knew that tonight really was the full moon meditation which I attend each month but of course missed this month for obvious reasons.

Kate was also amazed but said Elika remembers everything and maybe she had heard a conversation about this. I didn’t know Elika knew anything about meditation and yet she was serious in her intent to have this happen and even encouraged group participation.

 As the moon rose in the sky casting its' light upon us, we gathered in a semi-circle, my 2 daughters, 3 grandchildren and myself, and recited The Great Invocation, followed by a short period of meditation. I don’t know how this even came to be, it certainly wasn't on "the list", but the fact that it did for even a brief moment was a true gift and a sign that our children are the light of the future. How quickly the torch passes to another generation. On this night of my journey, I was touched by their light, their innocent goodness, and their sincere hearts. On this night I was blessed with love.

 Giving thanks for the blessing of this day…